Glacial Bitch

inner bitch

Now before some of you get all preachy on me, I need to remind you that

     God is still working on me, He’s not through with me yet!

I make no efforts to pretend that I do not have moments where thoughts of revenge against those who have wronged me.  I offer no pretense about the fact that I am human, mortal, and as a result — flawed.  I write alot of material, some of which is autobiographical and some that is pure and unadulterated fiction.  There are plenty of my pieces that refer to wishful thinking or dreams.  This piece was written and put me in the right frame of mind — self preservation and an appreciation for the strength that I was able to draw from my situation.  Oddly enough, I do not support the movement of calling oneself a “bitch.”  I understand that there are many empowering ways of putting the word, but I do not participate.  This piece represents a new way of writing for me and I am pretty proud of it regardless.  I proudly present:

Glacial Bitch

If you thought I was cold before — picture me now
Heart transformed into a crystalized structure
Impenetrable with its encasing of
Aggregate diamond nanorod
Covering it — all in an effort to forget
The frigid chill you feel in nearest distance to it
Mirrors the summits
Found on the coldest side of the East Antarctic Plateau
But you don’t hear me though.
I read your emails and texts with the gelid detachment
Of someone who has heard it all before
Didn’t you hear that last piece I did?
Blame displacement is not a good trick
Weakend my defenses made me weak enough to slip
Now, out of the ashes in a stance of recovery
Stands in front of you — this glacial bitch.
And witness this one finger being held up
As you protest quietly
No, I was never one to refer to myself so ineloquently
I was never the one to grab hold of those letters
But back then, I wasn’t transformed into your creation
And having just lost the love in my heart
Who could expect any better?
Copy, No Transfer, No Modify
You’re stuck with the creation you made from your lack
Of the right words
You’re stuck with me.
The previous version was found to be outdated
Sadly in time it was a decision that came belated
But we all have to dust ourselves off and try again, right?
You made my walls crumble with your manipulative games
I used to cling to the hope that someday you would change
You previously succeeded
In recapturing my frozen icicle of a heart
You nurtured it and reduced its temperature
To that of a Libyan El Aziza
You rapped good fiction disguised as a nonfiction reading
And I believed ya
Then you left me drowning in a sea of my own tears
Created from loving you
So, do you not speak good english?
What part of til death did you misconstrue?
But not to worry
Apparently, there was a glitch in the matrix
And now, standing in front of you is this glacial bitch
The very air that surrounds me is crisp, chilling to the bone
You were supposed to be the Prince I had long awaited
Sworn to protect and give my love a home
You made me believe again
You were the one I was to spend the rest of my days with
My lover, confidant, my husband
I have wept unwelcomed tears over your abandonment
I have pleaded with my Maker for release
I have cursed my feelings and myself for having them
There was no acceptable escape from my grief.
But that was a week ago.
Now, when you speak to me
I want your core body temperature to drop beyond the
Optimal threshold for metabolic and bodily functions
I want there to be a sympathetic nervous system excitation
I want chills to become violent shivering
I want there to be a contraction in surface blood vessels
Until your lips become as pale as my heart
I want to be the reason for the shutdown
Of your cellular metabolic processes
When it comes to the pain I felt
I want you to no longer have to guess
My heart shows signs of blemishes, my ability to love
Subsequently injured
And no chance in hell of a repair
My empathic abilities are on the fritz
So as I spread my arms wide and grant you a wintry smile
I hope you are proud of your creation
Of this certifiable
Glacial bitch.