Have You Ever?

As per my usual, writing sometimes helps the pain.  However, even during the times when it does not, it still serves as a testament to that feeling.  It is very hard to recapture certain emotions, and I find that writing always tells a story — whether it is yours or someone elses.  This time, it is mine.

Have You Ever

Have you ever cried yourself out?
Like literally drowned your insides with your own tears?
Cried so much that just reactionary blinking
Caused enough ache to mirror the pain reflected
From your soul?
Poured your agony out into turned up palms of sadness and
Tried to smother the wound left by love?
Have you ever rethought and regret every single move
You’ve ever made in your life
In milliseconds…
Sat on the razor edge of a panic attack
While your chest heaved and
Your body convulsed in kind
Ruminated on every word
You said to each other
And while standing firm on your beliefs
Wondering if something could have been done differently
Knowing inherently that nothing could have changed
The wave of events and subsequent anguish felt
Swearing on the last tear that becomes the tear
Before the last
Before the last before the last…
Feeling like you are free falling in space with no landing point
No surface strong enough to hold your pain
Memories crash-landing on your psyche
Pinning and crushing
Until a paralysis of your common sense occurs and…
You want them back.
Back to ease the pain they caused
Back to dry the tears they brought
Back to make it all go away
Until the next fight, next argument 
Next un-meeting of the minds.
Have you ever?

© Miss Lady

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